Caregivers play an essential support role to people living with advanced cancer. Matt Hyman shares his experiences of supporting his wife, Natalie, as she faces metastatic breast cancer.
Metastatic breast cancer occurs when cancer spreads beyond the breast to other parts of the body. About
When cancer is metastatic at the time of diagnosis, it’s considered stage IV. Advanced cancer affects not only the person with it, but also the family and friends who support them.
Caregivers often take on new responsibilities while navigating treatment decisions, emotional strain, and changes to work and daily life. Along the way, many also find moments of connection and meaning amid uncertainty.
Matt Hyman’s wife, Natalie, was first diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer in 2009 at age 32. She underwent a double mastectomy and 10 years of tamoxifen therapy. In 2019, the couple relocated to Hawaii as she completed treatment.
In 2020, at the start of the COVID-19 pandemic, Natalie noticed hard lumps in her neck. She was soon diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer that had spread to her brain and bones. Since then, she has undergone targeted and systemic treatments.
Matt has been her partner and caregiver throughout her cancer journey. He’s connected to support communities through Breastcancer.org and The Susan C. Hirano Cancer CARE Community at the University of Hawai’i.
Matt shared his experiences as a caregiver with Healthline.
This interview has been edited for brevity, length, and clarity.
My wife, Natalie, was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer in her brain and bones in 2020. She has such a strong spirit and has become an advocate for metastatic cancer patients, developing a wide network of new friends.
But there’s a great deal of stress and uncertainty in our lives.
I’ve always felt like the best way I can support her is to let her figure out her own path and her own limits, and then try to help whenever she asks.
One of my struggles is work-life balance. My wife stopped working, so I need a job that’s flexible and understanding, letting me work from home or taking time out of my day to be with Natalie at doctor’s appointments and treatment.
In our daily lives, there are also chores each of us has taken the lead on throughout our marriage. Lately, she’s been training me to take on some of her chores — like doing the laundry or grooming our dog — for when she’s no longer able to do them herself.
I’m sure this is different for every caregiver and patient. We’re lucky that Natalie is still active and mobile, though she has slowed considerably since her diagnosis. She’s also relatively young at 49.
We leave the medical support to her doctors. Natalie is on top of her meds and tracking her treatments. Because of that, the most important support I feel like I can provide is to listen to her needs and offer support that helps her navigate her day-to-day challenges.
I try to drive her and be with her at most of her appointments. I also shop for groceries and do most of the cooking. Her sister lives near us and is also a huge help.
The emotional challenges are significant. There’s so much uncertainty.
The initial diagnosis was devastating. Milestones became morbid. “Is this her last birthday? Is this our last anniversary? Is this our last Christmas?”
Once we had a treatment plan in place, we grappled with our new sense of “normal,” which included an underlying sense of dread. At times, it feels like we’re living from scan to scan. Bad results can be panic-inducing as we progress through different treatments, leaving fewer and less effective options.
But I also think it gives us a greater appreciation for the time we’ve had together and the time we have left together, however long it lasts. We’re pretty open and honest with each other, so that helps.
I think it’s important for caregivers to have their own support system. I’m fortunate to have a close circle of family and friends. I’ve also joined a few different support groups that I find helpful, and I see a psychologist.
It’s OK and important to take time for yourself and do things you enjoy. Physical health is also important. I always have room for improvement in that department, but I generally feel better after working out.
Matt Hyman lives in Hawaii with his wife, Natalie. He is an active member of breast cancer support communities and advocates for caregivers navigating metastatic disease.